no meat soda

As you may know, yesterday was Ash Wednesday, an important part of the Catholic whatever you call it. Now, I am not a religious man, but at times I do enjoy taking part in the ancient rites and traditions passed down to us from generation to generation. Like war and petty theft, they are a big part of our everyday lives. Friends of mine know that every solstice I make a point to go out and dance with the moon goddess. And as a child, I once tasted the grape juice and crackers at the altar (I don't believe, as a non-believer, I should have been doing this). So this year I have decided to participate in the ritual of Lent, the voluntary sacrifice of something I hold dear in preparation for the Holy Week. Although I already missed the opportunity to put chalk on my forehead, I believe can still 'give it up' for my homies up in heaven.

scary, huh?


This is my big chance at redemption, so I've got to do it correctly. So... what to sacrifice? At first I thought I'd give up meat, because that's easy. I don't eat a lot of meat anyway. You see meat is disgusting. Vegetables make me feel like the freakishly joyful sex-pagans in the Wicker Man. How I relish in the holy, grainy, stringy texture and taste of pure sun-fed vegetables. Which got me to thinking about which vegetables are most prevalent in my diet. I eat a lot of taters, broccoli, and asparagus. Can't get rid of them. Then it hit me. Corn syrup. That, in conjunction with a recent article I read about the ills of corn and fructose, and viola! I decided to give up meat-flavored soda. That oughta give the gods something to rejoice in! Unfortunately that means:


1) no more Diet Ham Hock
2) no more Dr. Pepper (which tastes a bit like cooked meat)
3) no more listening to the album Pork Soda by Primus


In my attempts to catch the 27b/6 guy stealing my material, I came across an interesting drawing of his. In fact it is the very spider which, according to the bio about his book deal, made him instantly world-famous. While I do not own the copyright to the spider drawing idea, I quickly sketched something together, just to prove that this fellow, David Thorne, could easily have been copying me, if only I had drawn this spider a couple years ago.

This is my version:


Of:


Uncanny resemblance? Except for the extra leg, I guess.

To Clarify

Instead of hacking, in my free time I do things like draw Owen Thomas' house, deep underground. The arrow marks the spot where I last saw him. As you can see, he lives in a very nice neighborhood. Needless to say, I have a lot of free time, because Owen still refuses to play me in chess AND they canceled school again today. I will not draw you a picture of where I live, because that picture would look something like a blank white screen.

Addendum: Owen says I write like this guy. I can't really figure out what he's talking about, which can only mean one thing. This guy is copyright infringing on me. More details to follow.

Owen Thomas is a big fat loser

This is just to say that Owen is a big fat big city loser. You see, Owen and I have a running competition in many events, but primarily chess. We haven't kept a tally but it's fairly safe to say that I had a dominating lead over Owen in our chess matches. The few times he's won, it's caused a big ruckus, but then I went back to winning full-time.

Well, it seems that Owen, the fool, using his typical foolish doublespeak, is "hanging up his chess shoes." Who knows what will come of this development. Owen is notoriously fickle and romantic, so he may yet be conned or coerced into another chess match with the master. Until then, I will be practicing against my next-hardest opponents, teenage wunderkinds on Yahoo Games.