The Week of the Bacon (Bacon Week)

Rejoice, young Owenists!

Owen's command to "eat bacon everyday all week, sometimes twice a day" goes into effect immediately. Bacon consumption is to be followed by a long period of rest and usually involves libations to the great Prophet Liam Neeson.

The story goes that bacon was the preferred meat of the Olympians before Owen vanquished them, replacing the gods with goofy, grinning statues of himself. His consumption of the fatty hog meat sent Owen into a stupor which lasted an entire week. When Owen finally recovered from his bacon binge, he had ascended his throne to divinity.

Today, Owen began a trend soon to be followed across the world. Bacon Week, also hereby known as the Feast of Owen or "The Week of the Bacon" occurs annually during the final week of April.

This is also the first official holiday of the Owenist religion. The Feast of Owen is "a fun holiday, bringing joy to many," and "cardiac arrest to few."


Devoted followers of bacon Owen:

Tonight

Tonight, Owen was incredible. He was on a cloud. He was untouchable. Simply unbelievable. Quote of the night: "me chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your coke"

Sit and ponder, young Owenists.

Owen's Childhood Home

The house in the center of this photograph is Owen's childhood home. It's since been converted into a brothel and even more recently, been abandoned. Owen grew from such humble roots to ascend the throne of Owenism, his very own religion. His crown is set with beautiful stones. His robe flows like a thousand rivers. And yet he still works late at the real estate place.

It takes Neeson to know Neeson

Owenism has long been associated with the Cult of Neesonism, a little-known group of believers in a spiritual Oneness taken in the form of the actor Liam Neeson.

Elusive Owenists Photographed

A photograph was recently released, depicting an Owenist congregation deep in prayer.